“Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'”

“Every crowd has a silver lining.”

“Yeah, baby!”

“I do everything Fred Astaire does, but backwards and in high heels.”

“I have a theory that the only way to get a man to do something is to tell him he's too old for it.”